Thursday, July 6, 2017

How does Hayward make you feel?

So after all of that, Gordon Hayward is going to be on the Celtics. Depending on who you are and where you live this could cause many different types of feelings.

Let's start with Danny Ainge, if you're Danny Ainge you are probably pretty excited that you ended up signing Hayward, but you're looking at the bigger picture and are probably upset that your big plan didn't end up working. Paul George isn't on the team, Jimmy Butler isn't in green, and now you need to cut some salary. You're now having to decide which of your treasures you have to give up, this displeases you. You will have to go into your horde of assets which are kept in a cavern under your house to sit and stare at all of the assets you have. You will not cry because of having to give one up. You will not cry. You will not cry. You will not cry.

If you're Brad Stevens you're pretty excited, but you can't let people see it. Your best friend chose you! It's true you actually have a best friend who likes you! Not like those other guys at school who said they were your friends just to invite you over to a party and then leave you behind.  You're going to have so much fun! You'll have a party with your friend, and maybe even stay up until 11:30 to watch Jimmy Fallon! Oh boy this is going to be so great!

If you're Gordon Hayward, you'd probably feel happy, or sad, but probably happy, but not too happy, or maybe a bit sad. But you're still excited about how much money you'll get, but sad about all the money you turned down, but still excited about buying a house, but sad that you'll leave yours behind. Maybe you should just be excited about playing for Brad, but it's kinda weird how excited he was when you told him, maybe that should turn you off, but this means your coach likes you, but maybe too much, but that could be fun? No you'll just stop thinking about that and get some lunch, maybe a sandwich, or how about a hamburger, you like those, but you also like sandwiches, but a hamburger sounds good, but you haven't had a sandwich in a while. So now you have turkey, which is good, but ham is good too, but you really like turkey, but ham is really good with cheese, no you can't think about cheese yet you haven't even figured out your meat yet, but then there's always a grilled cheese. Whoa.... Now there's too many options, you should probably lay down for a few hours to let your mind rest, you probably shouldn't have grabbed the ham and cheese and put in on the counter and told your wife you were going to eat that, but no one will think you're weird for doing that, lots of people do that, or do they?  They do, maybe. Too late you're going to sleep for a few hours now.

If you're a Celtics fan you're probably feeling something like, WOOOOO YEAAAAAAHHHH WEAH GONNA WIN DAH TITLE BABY.  THAT BOY FROM UTAHR IS GONNA BE DAH NEXT HONDO.  DAH CELTICS, DAH PATS, DAH SAWX, DAH B'S ALL GONNA WIN THIS YEAAHH.

If you're a die-hard Jazz fan you're probably feeling angry, like really angry.  You're probably looking to eliminate everything that reminds you of that person that just left you. You are probably going to get a haircut so that you don't look like him anymore.  You just burned your jersey, that might have been a bit rash but you know, you're angry.  You and your buddy just grabbed some spray paint and what are you doing, oh ok this is definitely crazy, don't spray paint that "Speed Limit 20" sign. Definitely don't use those words... Oh ok now you're outside his old house, you should probably not go up there and write Gobert loyalty on the door.... This is just bad, maybe look at kittens or something, and look there's a gif of Rubio as a kitten. Yeah that's good, now watch some YouTube highlights of Rubio, yeah perfect. Just calm down a bit and everything will be fine.

If you're Dennis Lindsay you're probably upset. Not so much that Gordon left, but in the way he left. If he had just announced it earlier in the day you could have done so much more, but with the way it happened you're left with so few options. Gallinari is off the board, Porter is off the board. Now you're left with Rudy Gay? It'll be fine, but you're so far behind now it'll be hard to catch up.  You know you can do it though. It just might be a year before you're back at the same level.

If you're Quinn Snyder you are angry. But that's normal, you have the fires of a thousand suns burning you from the inside out. You wish you could unleash your powers on all who have harmed you but your master says to wait. You have waited for so long, but you must not disobey. You will wait and have to destroy those on the basketball court, while longing for the time when you can destroy everyone else.

If you're a BYU or Utah fan who roots for the Jazz when they're good, you're probably really upset that Hayward went to play with LeBron, but you didn't care that much because how great can Miami be? It's not like they've got the greatest head coach in the world, he's coaching your football team, and practices start soon so we shouldn't even be talking about basketball anyways.

If you're a fan of the Warriors or Cavs you feel like what's the big deal about this? It's just Hayward, and it's not like the Celtics could beat you anyways. You're more worried about what OKC did or Houston. Boston isn't even on your radar at this point.

If you're a fan of any other team in the NBA you should be excited that there's hope that your team is getting better, unless you're a Bulls fan, then it's going to be a cold dark winter with nothing to help you feel better until the draft next June.

If you don't watch the NBA you're probably thinking about how the world is insane and why would anyone care about what a man with a funny haircut is doing unless that man happens to be the President.

If you're a dog you're probably pretty excited, you don't know why but people are excited and they're talking excitedly and you just want them to throw the ball again.

If you're a cat you're probably hating everything, you don't know who this person is that people are talking about and it doesn't matter because that's one more person out there who's stopping you from taking over the world. Which you will do right as soon as you catch that shiny thing.

If you're an inanimate object that can think you're probably thinking AHHHHH HELP ME, I CAN'T MOVE AND I HAVE AN ITCH RIGHT ON MY NOSE. PLEASE HELP ME.

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